Admin
Registered: Jan 24, 2008
Posts: 73
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Reflections on Over Parenting
One recurring theme in private phone sessions and workshops is that you are working too hard, being in God's/nature's business. I hear how you are pushing the river, molding nature, working hard to make rain and sunshine... while all these are happening on their own. Life is a stream. It needs no help but love.
The baby that emerges into this reality is a "time bomb" unfolding as programed; not according to you but based on its own program. Any attempt to influence this program causes confusion, struggle, stress and harm. All the making of a thriving adult are already there and will unravel all by themselves when followed and nurtured. Directing and molding only thwarts nature's beautiful design.
People say to me, "You could leave your children to develop on their own because they are gifted." No!!! They are not more gifted than any other child. All children are gifted. They are miracles. Freedom nurtures these gifts and allow them to unfold. The only gift they need is love and freedom. The gift is not to get in the way of the miracle unfolding in its own way and time.
Abandon your future projections so you can marvel your child's own plan unfolding. Nurture, but don't direct.
This does not mean neglect or disinterest. Notice that in freedom children are relentlessly pursuing one thing after the other and need your support. Their pursuits include day dreaming, play, questions, books, art, mud, boredom, nature, climbing, running, biking, building, relating etc. They cannot be stopped. But, they can be thwarted by parental and schools interventions and attempt to mold and control.
Such thwarting interventions include peers play group, praise, commentary, young children group activities, too many toys, TV, teaching, music lessons, art lessons, lessons in general, instructions to follow a certain path, pushing for separate sleeping when the child does not initiate the change, pushing for getting out of diapers, for clean room, for timely commitment (yours, not the child's), expectations that the child would become independent when she is asking to stay dependent etc.
Instead of planning and molding, respond to the flow; watch the miracle unfold. Gaze in your child's gorgeous eyes and connect with love. Enjoy. Relax and respond to the next instruction. There is nothing to do but respond kindly to what is in this moment and notice what is coming to prevent difficulties when possible. Parenting is not about molding the child but about removing the stones from his path and empowering when she stumbles anyway. A kiss, a hug, a banana, nursing, diaper change, listening, picking up, holding, cleaning, validating, reading, playing, holding a crying child, joining the laughter: Being there!
This does not mean giving the child whatever they want, only responding authentically as available, safe and kind.
Don't miss the beautiful moment while planning and controlling a future or a good behavior. When you mold, your child has no parent where she is now; she is literally alone. When she is alone she tries weird behaviors to reconnect with you and you get angry. That's your cue for reconnection. Let go and join your child in this beautiful endless present moment.
With love,
Naomi
©Copyright Naomi Aldort 2009 |
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