Pippa
Registered: Aug 22, 2008
Posts: 5
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| #1 |
Hi,
I wonder if anyone can hep me or share some experience. I have a 3y/o son who I bay-led-weaned ie no force feeding mush but he ate finger foods and chose what and how much to eat from the word go. My hope was that he would therefore not be a fussy eater but he really is. He has never eaten very many vegetables but lately he has pretty much given up eating any. This is problematic for me partly because my husband and I want to eat meals composed mostly of veg, but mainly because I am anxious that my son is not getting all the nutrients he needs without vegetables in his diet. He likes best to eat pasta and bread, fruit, dried fruit and nuts and he loves meat and fish - so much so that we have started buying and cooking meat for him having not had it in the house for 15 years. I prefer not to cook different food for him,but that is not so much a problem as my anxiety about him eating a healthy diet. Overall he gets all the food groups but I really feel like he should eat vegetables and that I am being neglegtful if I don't really help him to do that.
Lately I have tried getting him to choose one vegetable from his limited list each night and insisting that he eat that one (a really small portion). That worked for a while but the last 2 nights he hasn't wanted to eat them. I tried saying no dessert but a) he clearly didn't care about dessert! and b) it felt really coercive and uncomfortable. I really want him to make his own choices but there is such a big part of me that feels that no vegetables is the *wrong* choice. He has even got suspicious of soups because he has realised that I put all kinds of veg in there!
Maybe I just need some reassurance - I would love for someone to tell me it is normal at his age and nothing to worry about and i can just let it go! But happy to hear any thoughts or experience around this topic.
Many thanks, Pippa
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foehnjye
Registered: Oct 16, 2008
Posts: 13
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| #2 |
Working on your thoughts to create change within you is where I suggest you start. Telling yourself that he is a fussy eater is not helpful for you or for him. From what your write it does not sound like he is a fussy eater, but rather has a preference right now to not eat many veggies. Insisting that he eat vegetables is only going to cause your son to resist the idea of eating vegetables.
Naomi speaks about how parents often make food a reward.
When we say, "if you eat two more bites of salad, then you can have your
cookie," we are sending the message that there is something wrong with the salad
because a reward will be offered by eating it. She also quotes studies that show
that when kids are offered a bribe or a reward for trying a new food, they are
unlikely to want to try that particular food again, even with a bribe.
In her CD series Trusting Ourselves, Trusting Our Children, she says that one her sons never eats vegetables and was the healthiest of them all.
It sounds like your son is already choosing wonderful foods that he enjoys: nuts, dried fruits, meats, nuts and pastas, which will provide him with a wealth of nutrition right there. IMO you have nothing to be anxious about with regards to the quality of nutrition he is receiving.
It sounds like you may have had a vegetarian home prior to your son being 3, and I think your choice to cook meat and fish for him shows your willingness to trust your son's food choices...stick with that! Eating habits evolve, change, and develop, and grow over time. What your son likes or doesn't like now will probably be different in 6 months, a year, 5 years from now.
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Pippa
Registered: Aug 22, 2008
Posts: 5
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| #3 |
Thanks for your reply. You are right about changing myself. The last few days I just decided that I would drop it and let my son choose what to eat, and how to eat it and I asked my husband to do the same. Mealtimes have been a lot more peaceful, both at the table and within myself. I like the idea that he has a preference right now not to eat many veggies - much nicer than my fussy label and also a reminder to me that that is how it is now and that it may be different in future.
I know that I still need to work on trusting that his choices are right for him because I obviously have a fimly held belief that vegetables and fruits are what makes us all healthy, and I find it very hard indeed to sit at a meal with friends children who are all eating everything on their plates without complaint (generally not through their choice I know!) and to be okay with my son choosing not to eat much of what is on his. It really helps to hear that one of Naomis sons didn't eat vegetables! I will look for that CD series you mention.
Pippa
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foehnjye
Registered: Oct 16, 2008
Posts: 13
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| #4 |
I also find that sometimes just a shift in my own expectations helps my whole family to be more peaceful and calm. Isn't it amazing how such a simple thing is so difficult? I've been constantly amazed at this recently. I've been an herbalist for many years now, and spent quite a bit of time studying Chinese Herbal Medicine, which is really focused on using food as your medicine. Interestingly enough, while fruits and vegetables can be nutritious, they can also be damaging for certain people. I am actually quite allergic to many vegetable and fruits that I would love to eat, but can't as they cause swelling in my mouth and throat, as well as gastrointestinal distress. Avocados, cantaloupe, and kiwi fruit are the worst for me, but I also react to raw carrots, turnips, and other melon. I thought I would mention these things just simply because it's always possible that your son's body knows what it should or should not have. These food allergies I have did not manifest until I was adult, but may have had milder symptoms when I was a child, I possibly was simply not aware enough.
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Pippa
Registered: Aug 22, 2008
Posts: 5
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| #5 |
Thanks again. It really helps to keep in mind that my mind/thoughts don't know what is good for my son and that his own body is the best guide for him. I really want for him to know himself in that way and to be more aware of what his body is telling him than I have been of my own in my life.
I ordered those CDs you mentioned and am excited about listening when they arrive.
Pippa x
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